Grandmother Shmandmother

This afternoon, Helga could be heard on the telephone YELLING AT HER GRANDMOTHER. Who does that? I doubt her grandmother even knows where she is or what month it is. How’d she even get on the phone? My grandmother once tried to use the phone to call me and they found her three days later at the bottom of a Discovery-Zone ball pit (not those cheap-ass Chuck E. Cheese ball pits, either!).

Certainly, it is possible that the person she was talking to just happened to be named Grandma (like that character from Rounders). In this case, I fully support Helga. I would yell at him simply for having such a stupid nickname. That’s like being called Roy or Trent or Atrophy. If someone called me any of those names, I wouldn’t hesitate to curtly inform them that that was, in fact, not my name. And then I would murk them. Either that or paint a full-color portrait of them.