Who's Having Pancakes?

::audience applauds::

Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind!

And now, for my next trick, I'd like to perform...

(dramatic pause)

...an...

(dramatic pause)

...impression for you all.

::audience "oohs" and "ahhs"::

I've been working on it for quite some time. I will need complete and utter silence. It's entitled "My Sweatstains With the Bathroom Window Closed and the Dryer Running on High (Arms Aloft version)"

::audience gasps::

Here we go...

| 0 | | 0 |

::audience erupts into wild applause and cheers::

Hitting Newstands In August

While I was fetching something out of my car I heard an incensed Helga exhorting one of the Little Girls to "Be nice! Be nice!"

It's rare that anything from over there can inspire something other than creative delight or pity, but this Utopian sentiment got my thought train to leave the station.

And so, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the photographer from 'Yunk Hunk magazine. I do realize that you were only doing your job and wouldn't ask me to lather my thighs in canola oil unless it was professionally required. I'm also sorry for the scissorkicks and what I did to your bearskin rug.