Holy Trinity 3-In-1 (Epic Phone Call Part I)

What could possibly give Helga the impression that the entire neighborhood wants to hear about every aspect of her life? I just listened to an entire telephone conversation that I could write a thesis on. And grammatically, the end of the sentence is where you send prepositions to.

I won’t transcribe the entire thing as it was deeply personal and I would never betray my loud, obnoxious neighbor to a bunch of strangers with internet access. Also, I was mostly asleep when I took notes on it. Because I can’t accurately do the conversation justice in a single post, I will stagger my comments over a couple of days. This will also give me time to consult my muse, who, if you would hear Josh tell it, is just some girl I lured into the basement with stale milk duds. But actually, that can’t be true because she stopped eating weeks ago.

Anyway:

“I don’t do anything wrong. I don’t do anything wrong. Anything. Move your ass.”

I’m pretty sure this is where I came into the conversation. Generally, the police also come into a conversation at this point. I don’t know which is more annoying: the fact that she believes herself to be some sort of angel or the boorish repetition. One of the reasons she probably came out onto the porch at this point is because she was probably annoying the fuck out of Rat-A-Tat. If she never does anything wrong, then I must be up for some sort of award. One that fits right next to my 2nd In Baby Punching and 3rd In Jitterbug trophies. And again, I have no idea if the “Move your ass” was intended for child or canine, but I bet she doesn’t have to repeat that one often because she is the size of the entire A-Team.