Send Me To The Fun House (Epic Phone Call Part II)

“I’m your fucking baby’s mother and I’m not going to give you money. And our house is fucking fun.”

How do these clauses even follow each other? Does she fear that he is somehow unclear about exactly how much fun is transpiring at their house? Surely he must know. Even I know, and I just met (or actually have never met) her. He could simply ask anyone in the neighborhood! Especially if his idea of fun is walking around outside your house dressed in such a manner that people wished you were naked just so they could get it over with. Is she just trying to rub it in how much better she is doing than him? As in, “Not only will I not be giving you any money (which I have and you don’t), but I’m doing great and we are having so much fun without you.” That’s nice that everything is working out so well for her. I hope she chokes on her own face.

I can’t believe she said that her house is fun. Like some fucking fraternity house. I’m still waiting for the fliers around the neighborhood about the “dry” dance party at their house, but you have to bring 5 girls for each guy.

The funny thing is that I’m pretty sure she wasn’t even talking to her ex-husband. She was just quoting herself (or her addled thoughts, rather) to her friend. Who are these friends anyway? I don’t understand how they even exist. How do they pick up the phone everytime? It’s probably because they don’t have caller ID. If I saw her name come up on my screen, I’d drown my phone. And then my phone would thank me. It would save him the trouble of committing hara-kiri, which is something he's been considering for months. Ever since his SIM card left for another port he's been depressed. Anyway, once he had passed on, I would give him a Viking send-off in the pocket of a crash test dummy.