Did drinking on a Sunday night help them with their mission? Luckily, they drink every night like it was a Tuesday night, so they have very high tolerances. All I heard amongst the giggling was, “It’s falling!” which is not a phrase you want to hear when the rain has been filling your trashcans for days. It’s why they come with lids. Though, to be fair, they probably thought the water would decompose the garbage to a fine soup that they could then eat. Who says they don’t recycle? Who am I kidding: the only chemical reaction they understand is Gin + Scotch = More Tiny Humans (and even on that one they miscalculated at least twice).
One of our more astute readers (TJC) recently commented on the fact that they just asked me a week ago when to take out trash even though they have been living there for some time. Let us ponder some possibilities of what they might have been doing with their trash before now (before they knew they could just take it to the curb):
- Lure Oscar to a new home so they would no longer have to pay for their “virtual babysitter”
- Host an eating contest
- Hope that it breeds a dianoga that they could then sell
- Hope to collect enough trash so the city would give them a trash dumpster so they could house more relatives
- Paint it white and use it as Halloween costumes of which the irony would lost only on them
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Maybe they were hoping to lure the garbageman into their house so that they could continue filming their own hardcore "choke porn" in their basement. I wouldn't go over there and mow their lawn if I were you. I don't want to see a new SVU episode that has been "ripped from the headlines." Although, they could just use this blog as the script and it would at least be mildly funny.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm honey glazed ham...
ReplyDeleteThey could be burning their garbage in effigy in the basement to the thing from Conan the Destroyer... Dagoth was it? If you don't get the magic horn from the Schuylkill, you are FUCKED.
ReplyDelete