Modest Is Hottest

Upon returning home this afternoon, we found the Neighbors' trash cans lying sideways in the curbside grass, disdainfully tossed aside like King Kong's used prophylactics.  For a primate proclaiming "I big heart Jesus with all my soul" on his Christian singles dating profile, you'd think Mr. Kong would be a little more serious about the evils of pre-marital sex.

It's taken more than a month for them to simply take out the trash (albeit drunkenly), so by mathematical reasoning and a series of difficult computations on my trusty TI-85 hand-held calculating machine, I expect these infernal trash receptacles to be sitting in the same spot for weeks.  The grass underneath will most likely turn white from lack of Photosynthesis, instead resembling my pasty pectorals after a summer cultivating my farmer's tan.