Spreading Disease The Old Fashioned Way!

There’s going to be an apartment for rent in our building this summer. Josh has suggested that I ask The Neighbors if they know anyone swell that can move in. But I fear there are zoning laws against that sort of thing. Surely the carnival would sue over The Neighbors' monopoly on freakshows, and the zoo would have a number of reasons as well (e.g. poor animal treatment of Little Girl #1).

I actually have the phone number for their landlord (obviously they do not, or they would not be offering me $40 to mow their lawn when it’s the landlord’s responsibility); maybe I should call their landlord and ask if she had to jump through any hoops to get the property re-zoned to EML (Evolutionary Missing Links). She’s probably renting it on the sly. While I have her on the phone, I could suggest a 30 foot wall erected between our properties. We could even paint a picture of our building on their side of the wall so they wouldn't notice.

She may have forgotten about the property anyway; I wouldn't be surprised if they have just been squatting the whole time. The fence to the side porch fell a few days ago and is just laying on the ground. If she doesn’t fix it soon, I’m going to call CDC. If there’s anywhere that’s safe from Swing flu, it’s there. Swine flu stopped by one day and Helga’s own natural pathogens treated it like the local bully treats second graders.