I Do! (Doo-Doo)

For those of you unfamiliar with the floor plan of 1Prime, the window over the commode in our watercloset faces the Neighbors' side porch where most of the day-to-day action takes place.  Since Wolfgang left said window ajar to alleviate the heat accumulating from the washer and dryer, I've taken to leaving it open while embarking on the most masculine of morning rituals, the high point #2 in the Three S trifecta, or, more simply put:  "having a guy."

It is my sincere hope that one day Misty, Doggy or the whole gang will be in the middle of a high-decibel inter-family shitfest over some nonsensical topic/imagined injury - and suddenly - they'll stop, slowly turn around, gaze with wide-eyed curiosity into the open bathroom window... 

...only to get an face full of my ass-cheeks akimbo while I'm fastidiously polishing my browneye with a wet wipe.

The only thing that could add to this fed up neighbor's wet dream is that Al Michaels' classic call from the USA-USSR 1980 Olympic hockey game is blasted as it happens:  

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?!"

The Next Door Opera: Second Movement

HELGA

"Did you make a stinky?"

LITTLE GIRL #1

"What?"

HELGA

"Did you move your bowels?"

LITTLE GIRL #1

"What?"

HELGA

"...did you move your bowels?"

LITTLE GIRL #1

"What?"

HELGA

"I'm NOT playin'!  Did you make a mess in your pants?"

LITTLE GIRL #1

"What?"

HELGA

"DID YOU DO A NUMBER 2?"

LITTLE GIRL #1

"What?"

HELGA

"DID YOU MAKE A STINKY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

I threw back my head like a concert pianist as I transcribed the above exchange, pretending I was playing a concerto instead of merely typing on a laptop.  This dialogue was strangely musical and moved me...

...OHMYCHRISTOULDSOMEONEFUCKINGGUARDPAULPIERECEFORTHELOVEOFPETE