Guaranteed To Make Your Neighbors Say "WTF?"

Hnk just passed this along from Craiggerslist:

Delivery Guy with a Funny Adult Delivery Twist
Will deliver pizzas, flowers or messages for you, and when they come to the door to answer, my pants will accidentally drop or your other suggestions..to give them a laugh and a delivery they won't soon forget!

This guy will Deliver Pizza, Flowers etc. & Ooops - will strip or whatever you wish. Fall Down at Delivery! Guy next door type, not a rockstar or musclehead, late 30's but attractive!) late 30's/early 40's (so very believable) available to play a memorable joke deliveryman on your friends. 

Throw in a spinning bow tie and a water-squirting flower in your lapel and you're hired to make contact!

Found: Kiddie Porn

While Wolfgang and I were out of the house performing our ritual Secret Agent duties, "Bon" Jodi from the second floor gleefully took notes as a maelstrom of shouting pierced the suburban silence.

Helga is furious at the brown-haired girl, now officially christened Codename Five Drinks, because she's marginally more attractive than Codename Misty.  But why is Helga shouting?

Oh, only because Five Drinks was looking at a porno, fell asleep and now said porno is missing, presumably snatched up by the children.

::blink blink::

Yes, I'll repeat that:

Five Drinks was looking at a porno, fell asleep and now said porno is missing, presumably snatched up by the children.

Helga took Five Drinks to task for being irresponsible and lazy NOT TO MENTION LEAVING A PORNO OUT FOR HER CHILDREN TO FIND.

Five Drinks countered with what any normal, sober and rational person would mention during a disagreement: she threatened to move out because, and I quote, "I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish, I'm not selfish."  

And for any of you who thinks she's lazy, she's got this nugget for you: "I ain't got nothing to wake up for today, if I'd have my kids I'd probably wake up earlier."