Insert 'Shawshank' Joke Here

On a recent jaunt to my parked car, which was stationed up the hill from 1Prime, I happened to fall into step with Five Drinks who was also engaged in the same task.

We didn't make eye contact, nor did she recognize me as the more hairy and handsome of her two next door neighbors (probably because I was never approached to mow their lawn). As I reached my car, I broke off to cross the street. Five Drinks continued up the side walk towards her sedan.

I craned my neck to the left to get one more look, and, instead of turning into a pillar of salt, I got a chance to read the back of her black zip-up windbreaker:

DEPARTMENT

of
CORRECTIONS

(it read)

New Species Spotted Next Door!

While seated at my desk, I glanced out the window to see a full-grown Flat-Brimmed Platypus in the driveway!!

Originally discovered to inhabit urban areas, the Flat-Brimmed Platypus (terriblus hip-hopus stylus) has recently migrated to more suburban areas like shopping malls and skate parks.  This migration happens to parallel the pattern anthropologists have noted amongst Honda Civics with Large Exhaust Pipes (Ruinedus Familyus Sedanus).  

Known for uncurved baseball-style caps, the Flat-Brimmed Platypus also favours baggy trousers, oversized graphic tee-style shirts and a propensity for unemployment.  Do not be afraid to provoke the Flat-Brimmed Platypus - though it may protest loudly, its bark is truly worse than its bite.

The good folks over at Fuck You, Penguin would have a field day with this beast.

Now They're Liars, Too

I arrived home from a delicious lunch at Reading Terminal Market to find a Latino chap mowing The Neighbor's lawn, therefore usurping Wolfgang's promised (and potentially hilarious) responsibility.

Perhaps it's for the better, though. The lawn looked pretty good when compared to the lush savannah vegetation we currently have adorning the entryway to 1Prime. It must have something to do with us using a non-gasoline mower older than "Leave It To Beaver."* I liken it to bringing a tampon to a knife fight.

(*that's not a porno for those of you under 25)

After a recent bout with the front weeds, I actually used scissors from my desk to snip down the high bits. There's not even a joke to be made here.

Jobs?

They are leaving again. I don’t think any of them have jobs (And yes, I realize that my spying on them all day not having a job is super ironic). No, I think their job is to go somewhere every couple of hours. Maybe they test cars? Maybe they are doing other experiments? Like fitting roaches with house arrest bracelets for the tiny insect prisons that we will so desperately need in the future.